Strength & courage for days like this…

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I used to think that courage meant that you were never afraid. I used to think that having strength meant that you could take anything that came at you in life. But nothing could be further from the truth…

Last October we realized that our little guy was really having a hard time in group settings. My normally sweet, calm and cuddly little boy would get so worked up and uncontrollably frustrated in group settings, to the point that I would often be called out of church services because the nursery volunteers wouldn’t be able to calm him down. I had no idea what was happening, I was confused, embarrassed, and frustrated.

After seeking the help of a pediatrician, we left with a diagnosis of a developmental delay, with the understanding that he did have some of the mild symptoms of autism. From there we have been moving towards therapy, and through all of the assessments, autism was brought up yet again…

I know I’m super biased because I’m his mom, but Sean is smart, loving, and works hard to do everything the other kids do. He’s about as determined as his mom & dad combined, so I have no doubt in my mind that with a little help, he’ll succeed in whatever he tries to do.

So here I am… Believing that with my whole heart… And yet I found myself afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of being inadequate, afraid of being judged for my inadequacies…

I felt so weak and cowardly for even feeling this way until it dawned on me that being courageous and strong doesn’t mean that you will never be afraid. It means that you take that fear and weakness and cast it at Jesus’ feet.

Peter 5:7
“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

God already knew what we would face in our lives. He already knew that Sean would have different challenges to face and he already planned for me to be his mommy.

Jeremiah 1:5
“Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee…”

I realize now that without these feelings of weakness or insecurities, I would probably be prideful, but they’re also not there for me to wallow in. They’re there for me to give to Jesus and draw closer to Him, as I take our crazy life one day at a time…

So I’m writing this, hoping that it will give you courage to face today and all it holds, knowing that Jesus cared enough to know you and all of your future…

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